But adding an Asian girlfriend to what is already a stereotypical existence would be a little , don’t you think? The best she can hope for is to move to a new city where no one knows that the men she attracts are complete trash.

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The topic of my life recently came up amongst friends, as it often does.

If I were to start a band where I wrote catchy songs about Asian girls I was afraid to talk to, a wormhole might open and swallow me whole, forcing me into a parallel dimension with other people who are too obnoxious to function in the normal universe. Seriously though, there’s more and it’s really awful.

No matter what country I live in, no matter how many non-Asian women I date in my life, the mere act of me glancing at an Asian woman will produce eye rolls all around. Add to all this that I wear skinny jeans and have a pathetically amateurish hipster beard, and people are just going to start throwing things at me. That’s strike three and four, and we’re only in the third paragraph of this column. I would compare myself to Woody Allen in this situation, if he hadn’t purchased a child and then raised her to marry him.

I don’t even have a preference when it comes to which races I date, yet to most, my situation couldn’t be more obvious if I started keeping anime charms attached to my cellphone. I might as well complete the Creepy Asian Fetishist Checklist by becoming a cashier at a Hello Kitty store and making everyone take off their goddamn shoes before entering my apartment. After a period of several years, the resentment would boil over, resulting in a profanity-laced tirade in which I’d say hurtful things about a famous Asian person like .

I’m not going to write popular music that I then use to kidnap Asian schoolgirls and make them hold extravagant boba tea parties in my basement.

December 2, 1990 The multicultural Bay Area has long prided itself on its relaxed attitudes about race.

This spirit of tolerance extends to interracial love - a subject that still raises blood pressure to bursting in many parts of the country but one that's old-hat here.

A white guy living in Koreatown and dating an Asian girl? I might as well be the creepy white guy in college who hangs with the foreign exchange students all day, pretending to teach them English. I mean, I’m not going to stop, but I want you to know that I’m adequately ashamed. I’d remind them that I live in Koreatown, not Japantown and they’d say, “But you asked me to bring this.” They’d be right, because I love mochi and pixilated pornography, but the implied racism would still cause me to get a little angrier inside with each bite, my rage slowly growing into a formidable reserve.

As usual, the discussion went something like this:“Nice apartment, Paul. How many times per day do you troll the neighborhood for Asian girls? I haven’t seen anyone under the age of 60 in three months. I moved here because it’s nice and affordable and I like barbequed meat that you have to cook yourself even though you’re in a restaurant that has very high prices.